I'm so sleepy...

Had a very nice lunch with my nephew, my mom, some cousins & some uncles yesterday, and they hung out at my house until late. I didn't take any shower until about 9.00pm. But I really enjoyed it, I enjoyed having some small conversations with my nephew too. He's a very quiet guy, so sometimes it's hard for me to talk with him, but yesterday was fine, we discussed his plan for the future since he just finished college and also his ministry in church. I ate a lot too! That caused me a stomach ache in the morning (^__^)

*sigh* After reading Augusten Burrough's Magical Thinking for the whole week, now I'm ready to start with another book of his, DRY. Mrs. G bought it for me at Kino PS yesterday & I asked the office boy to get it at her office today. I really like reading his books. Somehow I feel like seeing myself in a mirror in some ways. I mean, I'm a bit relieved cause it made me feel like I'm not the only person on earth with so many flaws in so many ways, despite what people think of me and vice versa. We're all not perfect. But sometimes we're such good pretenders and hide our flaws really well. Reading his books made me feel... more human... I guess that's the right way to say it (^__^) If you haven't read any of his books, try read Running With Scissors first before Dry or Magical Thinking. You'll get a better picture of what made him write the way he did. Maybe...

And since I watched Il Divo's latest DVD, I kept listening to it's latest cd ANCORA. It's great. And it really fit my sleepy head and changing moods. They have improved. I wonder if they'll release a full concert dvd, I'd love to see it. Better if they hold a concert or a mini concert in Jakarta, I'll buy a ticket as soon as I hear it he3x

I wanna go straight home from work today, maybe see a couple of anime vcds, read a book and have an early sleep... Till later everyone!!

How would you?

Been wanting to return writing about stuff again, but what do you know... Works are keep mounting & it's so hard to find the right time to do anything else. It's been a tiring month for me, with so many surprises (some good, some okay). The latest surprise was happening just this morning. An ex-boss showed up after 'missing' for almost 2 years. Yeah, I still received an e-mail once in a while but nothing more. He has promised to come to Jakarta many times but that never happened, so when he told me he was coming a few days ago I was like: "Yeah, right... you said that last year but you never show up." Well, he really did show up this time and we had a nice lunch together (^__^)

So how would you react when your mother said that she has cancer?

I was speechless. I just said okay, I went to my room and suddenly my mind went blank. The book that I was reading wasn't so interesting anymore. The food I just ate suddenly gave me stomachache. And I felt like I need a new pair of glasses because my eyes felt hot & I couldn't see clearly anymore. I wanted to cry but I felt choked up. After I started to get a grip of myself again, I asked my mom how did she feel. She said she felt okay... a bit anxious but she felt that she'd be okay, remembering that my dad was in a worse condition a few years ago. I felt better already to hear that she's strong enough to cope with it. But still I asked her to go to get a second opinion. At that time I wished that we could get a better hope. But things weren't always going the way you wanted to. Actually a surgery was no longer an option. The cancer has spread (though fortunately hadn't reached the vital organs) and required radiation therapy asap. And just 1 day before my mom was supposed to meet the radiotherapy doctor, she got a mild stroke attack in the morning, just before I left the house to work. I skipped work that day, had to go to 2 different hospitals before we could find an available neurologist. Later, I sent her home with my cousin and I went to get her blood test result at the clinic. Phew, that was one very tiring day.

How would you feel when you suddenly have to be the head of the family?

I was scared... terrified... Though he tried so hard to hide it, my father seemed so shocked with what happened to my mom. He ate less, tried to communicate more with my mom (which, made my mom more pissed off cause she felt the less you talk about it the less she'd think about it). He thought about how were we going to pay for the therapy and everything. And that's how all my plans for this year came to a halt. My mom's health must come first, travelling to Europe could wait for another couple of years. Now I have to provide for the house, her medication and I have to find a maid real soon to do the house chores since doctors advised her a total rest, and the 'radiation map' shouldn't get evena tiny drop of water. When my mom asked me to transfer some money for my younger brother who lived in another city, I thought I should talk to him about him starting to live independently. But my parents beat me. My mom called him first, then my dad met him when he got assignment in a atown next to where he lived. They had a serious talk, and my dad said that he could understand try to consider what he wants to do for his future.

Oh, the funny thing about money: like I said in my previous entry, I got promoted to a higher position this January, and of course a raise followed. It's quite a large sum, almost doubled my last earnings. When I first got the news, I prayed to God: "Oh God, thank You! Now I wanna do THIS and THAT... I wanna go HERE and THERE. I wanna have IT." I haven't gotten any clue what was going to strike me. Now that I know, do I feel disappointed? I lied if I said I don't. But after lots of time thinking and praying, I thank God even more, cause I believe that this is what He has planned for me, this is the lesson that He wants me to learn to be stronger and that He has a bigger plan for me. HIS TIME IS ALWAYS PERFECT.

"Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation."
Isaiah 25 : 9

I'm learning to trust my life into HIS hands. I'm learning to lean on HIS strength and not my own. I'm learning that HE will give me courage when I ask HIM to. I'm learning that I don't always get what I wish for, but HE will provide a greater thing for me. And I'm learning that with HIS love, I am able to overcome whatever may come my way.

Aiyah!! Should I just say HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR?? LoL

Man, I could hardly find anytime to write nowadays... especially now that I'm working in 2 places since mid-December. It's the same company, just opened a new branch and I have now 50 people in the new place & I've been promoted to....... something higher than my previous position (^__^)

Anyway, I really wanna start writing again, I had so many interesting experiences that I'd like to share with you people... All I could say right now is that God has been so good to me. He gave me everything that I never thought I would have and looks like I'll still be receiving more surprises in the future he3x

Till later and take care....